I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
