Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
