I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
