I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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