I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
