Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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