I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
