this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
