My boss' voice literally gives me gas
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
