is your mom at the bar?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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