my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
