.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
