her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
