idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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