Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
