Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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