I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
