Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Operation Purity has been aborted
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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