I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hippo gnu deer
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
