..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
