I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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