Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
