Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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