I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
