just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
