the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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