Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
