are you still at the devil's house?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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