4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
