I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
