The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
