Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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