She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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