Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
