So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
