Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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