you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
