i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
