the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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