went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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