The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
