Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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