Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
