If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
