you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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