So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
