You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
