my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
