I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
