I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
