I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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