I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
